23 Lessons from 2023
My friend Christa from Equestrian Bookkeeper and Equestrian Entrepreneur has been sharing the 23 lessons she learned in 2023. She’s got a great series of them on her social channels and I HIGHLY recommend you check it out. I loved the idea so much, I’ve decided to recreate it here for you. 2023 has been a year that has profoundly changed me and the way I run my business. There were MONTHS of intense self-doubt. Like sobbing in my car questioning ALL my life choices. There were even moments where I seriously even considered going back to work for a company full time and that SCARED me. I refused to let this dream die and it made me even more determined to make this work.
So here are the things I learned in 2023 and the lessons I am taking forward with me in the new year. These are in the order they came to my mind - some more profound than others:
Be patient: This one is so unbelievably hard. As someone who can usually make things happen quickly, patience is a tough one for me. But this has been a lesson that has repeated itself several times this year, in my business and in my riding. Follow the process, stick with it and even if you aren’t seeing progress, it is happening. Be patient. Keep going.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly: This mantra sticks in my mind every day. In order to get good at something, you have to be bad at something. This is so so so true for riding. It’s even more true for business. When I feel resistance to trying something new simply because I might be bad at it, I remind myself of this. The only way to get the feedback of where we can be better is knowing where we’re sucking. This shows up for me mostly in riding where I want to always be perfect. As an amateur and mom of 2 young horses, this rarely happens. I can’t wait to be good. For now, that means I might be bad.
Keep going: I almost gave up this year. It was the scariest feeling I had. It broke my heart for my brain to tell me “I can’t do this anymore. This dream isn’t working. I might need to go back to a ‘real’ job”. Thinking that made me cry even more. I was devastated that it was even a thought and I vowed that I would never let that thought influence me in that way ever again. I was so scared that I was so close to actually giving up. That’s not an option. Keep going.
This life can be lonely: The more I live in it, the more convinced I am that the horse world is so unbelievably unique. Most people don’t get it. It is something that takes a ton of time and effort to do even casually. And to make it your career? I give most of my time to riding, my horses and building my business. It leaves little space for other things, especially friends and family. I miss out on a lot. I try to squeeze it in and when I get to that point, I am squeezing things in poorly and it’s a mess all around. So I always come back to the same place where I need to focus. And sometimes I feel alone because I am doing something so unique. It’s a feeling that comes and goes, and in the moments it feels hard, I know that I’m on a path many won’t choose to follow. And that’s okay.
Your sacrifices will be worth it: The fulfillment of building a career and a life that I love is truly worth it. There’s not a single sacrifice I regret making.
Rest is productive: WOOF. This one hit me hard. I go through periods where I am UNSTOPPABLE. I don’t need sleep, I can hit it full speed all day every day and get so.much.done. Then I crash. And this fall I crashed hard. I had more health issues in the span of 3 months than I had in the previous 3 years. And most of it was out of my control, but it is not lost on me that if I don’t build in rest, I will be forced to. I don’t want to be taken out by any more illnesses or health issue. So it is a TOP PRIORITY for me in 2024 to build in rest and to actually rest. If I can’t show up at my best (or show up at all) then I am really in a bad spot.
You can’t please everyone; stop trying: I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. Often at the expense of myself. I try to fit too much in, say yes to too many things and then end up disappointing myself and others. So, that is out in 2024. I need to stay focused on the things that are important to me and not focus on everyone else’s happiness.
It’s okay to be slow: In a world where almost everything is instant, I feel this pressure to always be fast. I’m really not sure where it comes from. But some mornings I wake up and just start… running. And I really need to coach myself to say “Slow the Eff down”. Fast doesn’t mean better. Sometimes slow is better.
What you tell yourself matters: A lot of life is a mental game. And what you tell yourself is what happens. I am working really hard to change my internal dialogue and really challenge the negative thoughts that pop into my head. Instead of saying “I can’t do that”, I flip it and say “I can do that and I will figure out how”. This mindset shift has been so life changing, I just need to get a little more consistent with it, especially when it comes to my riding.
Don’t cut your own bangs: This is self-explanatory. But no matter where you are on the “unhinged mental breakdown” scale, it’s never worth it and will never work. Just don’t do it. Especially not after a bottle of wine.
Drink water: Literally most problems physical or otherwise can be solved by drinking water. Equestrians are notoriously bad at this. Let’s all be better in 2024.
The more you fail, the more fun it becomes: The first time you fail, it feels like the world might end. You might lose all your clients and just be a big ol’ failure forever. But the more you do it, the more fun it becomes. Because once you shift your mindset and look for opportunities to be better in each failure, you actually start looking for ways to fail. This doesn’t mean make poor decisions. It means that you don’t get hung up on making everything perfect, because figuring out what DOESN’T work gets you that much closer to what does. When you start to treat everything as an experiment, it gets to be a whole lot more fun than having anxiety about failure. Plus, you might surprise yourself and succeed.
Practice Gratitude: I cannot say this enough. Being thankful for what you already have is so powerful. Being grateful for the things to come is so powerful. Being grateful to simply have the experience is powerful. It doesn’t have to be profound, you just need to steep in all the goodness that is already here.
It’s all here: I love this mantra so much I have it tattooed on my arm so I can look at it everyday. It’s a reminder that there is ALREADY so much good that exists. And a reminder that the goodness to come already exists… you just need to go find it. It is all here and available for you to have. You just have to believe.
You can’t get it if you don’t ask for it: Many of us are too afraid to ask for what we want. I see this at every level. In horse, in business, in relationships. If you don’t ask for what you want, you likely won’t get it. I put my dreams, hopes and goals out into the world everyday. I speak them to myself, my friends and my family. You never know how things will work out so if no one (including you) knows what you want, it makes it harder to track down. Start sharing your visions.
There is always room for more horses: I told myself for a long time I couldn’t have a horse. I challenged that and found a way to get Crosby. Then I said two would be too much. I challenged that and found a way to get our Belgium baby. Then my beautiful Donny came into my life. Three is insane. But I’m making it work. So it’s a silly little saying that there is always room for more horses, but the lesson here is that you can create your reality. You can jump in and figure it out. Anything worth having is worth working for and if you want it, you can always make room.
Don’t hide from what is not working out: OOF. This is lesson that slaps me in the face time and again. When things aren’t going perfectly, I just want to curl into a ball and avoid it. This is a horrible strategy. So I have been working on my desire for perfection, embracing failure and confronting what isn’t working head on. It’s still a work in progress, but super important.
Sometimes you need to disappear for a while: Taking a step back (see: rest is productive and it’s okay to go slow) can be wildly transformative. Towards the end of the summer I knew I needed a hard reset in my business. I pumped the brakes and ‘disappeared’ for a minute to get things right in my mind and business. I feel SO much better having done this. There’s a time to be out front and center and a time where some introspection can make all the difference.
When worker harder isn’t working, work different: I’m of the mindset that working harder will solve everything. But sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I work, I’m not making any progress. So it's time to work different. I found myself in this position multiple times throughout this year and when I did, I sought help from others. I talked about the challenges and asked for advice on how I could do things differently. It’s really humbling to ask for help and to get feedback about how you’re not performing well. But its so so important.
Expect conflict: A lot of unhappiness comes from thinking everything will go great and getting surprised when conflict arises. In business, conflict is SUPPOSED to happen. We all want the best outcome. We have differences of opinions. Things don’t go as planned. If you wake up every day expecting conflict (NOT creating it), it hurts less when it comes up and you’re WAY more prepared to handle it.
Go the fuck to bed: Sleep is important. As I get older, I really know that I’m not missing out by going to bed. In fact, I miss out on more stuff if I don’t go to bed. The things I get SO excited about require a lot of energy. Energy needs sleep.
You can do things just for joy; make time to play: I have this really weird notion that every minute of my day needs to be productive. And it’s really annoying. I have to often remind myself that I can do things just for fun. I am lucky enough that most of the things I consider work are REALLY fun. But I can do other stuff too. And making room for fun makes me feel rested and sparks creativity.
Pivot as much as you need to find success: It’s called the Art of the Pivot for a reason. Knowing that I control what happens in my life and in my business means I get to pivot as much and as often as I want for the outcomes I need. “Sunk cost” fallacy is a thing - but its called a fallacy for a reason. Just because you have started down one path, does not mean you need to continue. Change is important. Pivots can save your business. Don’t be scared of them.
